How to Support Others with Anxiety
How can you acknowledge someone else's anxiety in a productive way?
If someone is opening up to you about anxiety, remember these three principles:
Listen actively, empathize, and make sure they feel understood. If someone is sharing their feelings with you, let them know you understand, or even that you've felt that way before. Being validated goes a long way to feeling better.
Make very sure not to dismiss or invalidate their feelings. If someone is feeling anxious or stressed about something, it's a very common pitfall to try to make someone feel better by telling them why they don't have to be anxious after all, or don't actually have anything to be worried about. While this can potentially be a helpful tact later in a conversation, if you open by trying to shift their perspective it can come across as dismissive and invalidating.
Resist the temptation to solve the problem immediately. Another pitfall to avoid is trying to make someone feel better immediately, or jumping to providing solutions to a problem. Remember: if someone is reaching out to you, it's often for emotional support first, not just advice or guidance. Focus on meeting the emotional need first, then move on to solving the problem.
When should you reach out to someone with anxiety?
The best time to help someone with anxiety is when they ask for it - it means they're motivated for change, which is particularly important in working with anxiety because the process can be emotionally and physically uncomfortable. If you're worried about someone's anxiety and they're not opening up about it, it's OK to talk to them about your concerns. Just make sure to approach the conversation with compassion, and make sure not to pressure someone into doing something they aren't ready to do.
What are specific ways you can help someone with anxiety?
If someone you know is struggling with anxiety, try these three things:
Validate the struggle, and don't minimize their feelings. Even if you don't feel the same anxiety, it's very real for the person suffering with it, and if they could stop worrying, they would.
Encourage them to get structured or professional help. If anxiety is getting out of hand, it can be very difficult to handle without professional help and interventions - often the person may feel that they "can't" do certain things, and be stuck in a cycle of anxiety and avoidance. If a therapist isn't an option, consider encouraging the person to talk to their doctor about medication that can help (certain antidepressants, specifically, are non-addictive, effective for anxiety as well, and can be a huge help).
Support behaviors that confront fears. Ultimately, all anxieties must be confronted before they can fade away. Confrontation, known clinically as "exposure" is a critical step in the healing process, where someone learns that the thing they were afraid of is either 1) not going to happen after all, 2) not as bad as they thought, or 3) at least tolerable, even if it's pretty bad. The only way for anxiety to recede is for someone to learn that they're going to be OK, no matter what.
If you are looking for help for yourself or someone else, more information is available on my website related to working with me for online therapy for stress and anxiety – in addition to my concierge therapy practice, I also have a small in-network practice with Equipoise Teletherapy in Chicago. For any other questions, please feel free to reach out to me directly!