5 Tips for Coping with Family Stress Over the Holidays
Visiting family over the holidays can be extremely stressful for some, when long-simmering tensions are no longer “out of sight, out of mind.” Instead of letting the pot boil over, here are five quick tips to help manage your holiday stress:
01 / Have effective coping skills ready to go
If you're getting stressed out, it's critical that you have effective, go-to ways to bring the stress level back down again. There are a number of great ways to cope with stress that have strong research support, such as diaphragmatic breathing, meditation, exercise, journaling, talking your thoughts out with friends, and even adult coloring pages (there are great apps for this, too!). Find the techniques and activities that work for you, then practice them! And also - “practice” doesn’t mean just reading this article and then not actually doing anything - thinking about coping isn’t actually coping! You may be surprised at how effective something simple can be if you actually do it, particularly if you make a habit of it. The more you practice and train your coping skills ahead of time, the more effective they'll be when you need them the most.
02 / Keep things in perspective
Remember: whatever stress you're feeling in the moment, it's going to pass faster than you think. Being inside a stressful circumstance can feel all-encompassing and extremely urgent, but the truth is that Thanksgiving dinner or a New Year's party is only a very short amount of time in the grand scheme of things, and the discomfort you feel isn't going to permanently hurt you. Take a breath, and keep your scope wide.
03 / Don't make it worse than it has to be
If you already know you're going into a stressful circumstance, work to reduce other stressors in your life. If you know reading the news stresses you out, maybe take a hiatus for a few weeks. If there's that one friend who is always really negative and stresses you out whenever you talk, maybe let them find support elsewhere for a little while. It's OK to prioritize your health.
04 / Know your boundaries ahead of time
In those tense family moments, know what you are willing to tolerate and where you're going to draw the line. Oftentimes stress comes from feeling like you are trapped and have to experience emotional discomfort or pain, even if you don't want to. The truth is that you always have a choice; there are just different consequences depending on what you choose. If you decide that you're going to miss a holiday party because it will help preserve a relationship you care about, own that choice! Or if you decide you'll need to leave early if someone else is acting disrespectful or stepping over a line, own that choice, as well.
05 / Put yourself in someone else's shoes
When we're in conflict with others, it's very easy to vilify them in our minds, and forget that they feel just as justified in their perspective as we do in ours. We also tend to forget that there's more to them than just the conflict: they have their own stressors, vulnerable areas, and weaknesses, just like we do. If you can keep in a mindset of compassion and try to see the other's point of view, it can often reduce your own stress.
Good luck, be well, and happy holidays!
If you are looking for help, more information is available on my website related to working with me for online therapy for stress and anxiety. With questions, please feel free to reach out to me directly!