Stop “Shoulding All Over Yourself”

Here’s a quick perspective hack to start the week: when you're feeling frustrated or angry, step back and consider that you may be "shoulding all over yourself."
 
The word "should" is often counterproductive. Put on people or events outside ourselves, it usually leans towards anger, and represents that we're not accepting our current reality. For example: "I shouldn't have to wait in line," "they shouldn't have cut me off," "they should treat me with basic respect,” etc.
 
When applied to ourselves, "should" can create a sense of depression, anxiety, or regret as we evaluate things that generally have already happened that we can't change. "I shouldn't have done that," "I should have known better," and so forth.
 
It's not to say that the thoughts we attach "should" to are *wrong*, per se.  It's just that those thoughts usually aren’t productive. Sure, you could make a very solid argument for why your boss *should* consider your feelings and not just order you around. But that's not the reality of how he/she treats right now, and stewing in a "should" just cultivates anger and resentment, which ultimately just hurts you even more.

So what’s the alternative?

When you see yourself “shoulding,” see if you can swap in some combination of acceptance, curiosity, gratitude and/or action instead. 

For example…

• “My boss shouldn’t treat me this way” can become “I really don’t like how my boss treats me. What can I do to prevent this from happening again?”

• Or, “I shouldn’t have to wait in line for this” can become “I don’t like that I have to wait in line, but sometimes you pick busy times at the grocery store.”

• Or “I shouldn’t have done that” can become “I made the decision that felt right at the time, given the knowledge I had and the pressure I was under.”
  
  There’s *always* a way out from under a “should.” You just need to know where to look.
  
  Take care out there everyone – you’ve got this!